Dr. Elizabeth Green

Instructional Designer, Writer, and Free Spirit

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Experiencing Shame and Compassion

October 16, 2016 by Elizabeth 4 Comments

My husband, Stewart and I went to Germany. Since I didn’t want to be a rude foreigner expecting everyone to speak MY native language, I learned enough German phrases to order in a restaurant, navigate the train systems, and translate local weather reports. Overall, the German people were warm, inviting, and friendly whether or not we spoke their language.

We travelled by train to Hamburg and schlepped our luggage from the station to our hotel. I was dreaming of soaking in a hot bath, drinking bottled water that wasn’t carbonated. Many European restaurants serve carbonated water as the beverage of choice.

We offloaded our luggage and walked to a neighborhood supermarket. As we readied for checkout, I pulled out my credit card to pay. Stewart grimaced. Germany had already switched from the magnetic swipe system I used at home to the chip system. He had seen me struggle navigating the card reader directions written in German. I explained I wanted to save my Euros for our final cab ride to the airport. I studied the person in front of me using the chip reader, trying to memorize the steps in the process.

I spoke the usual greeting, “Guten tag” to the clerk at the checkout stand. The harried 20-something woman didn’t smile back as the check-out line began to lengthen during this busy part of the day.

As she scanned my items, I inserted my card in the chip reader. I couldn’t read the German directions telling me when to remove the card or submit my PIN. My panicked brain would not retrieve the practiced German phrases. I pulled my card from the machine and handed the clerk cash. She yanked the card from my hand and barked something in German. I don’t know what she said, but it wasn’t, “Welcome to our beautiful country. May I help you?” She pushed the card back into the machine and pounded codes into the keypad.

The kind-looking man behind me gave a sympathetic half-smile. The clerk continued, louder this time. She paused. I assumed she was awaiting my response. Flustered, I could only say, “Sprechen sie English?” (Do you speak English?)

She rolled her eyes. There are some gestures that are international. Feeling the stares of those waiting in line behind me, I kept my eyes on the transation.

Stewart’s footsteps said, I told you so, as he walked toward the exit. I considered leaving my items behind and following him, but the promise of non-fizzy water and a hot bath with epsom salt changed my mind. I muttered an apology to a kind-looking man behind me, picked up the water, salt, and German chocolates, and headed for the peace and comfort of our hotel room. The week of trying to navigate a foreign culture and language was taking a toll. There was a LOT of noise going on in my head.

During the quiet of my evening salt-bath soak, I thought about the hundreds of public school students I taught who were learning a new language and culture as immigrants. I hope I was always patient and kind. But I’m sure there are times I wasn’t was overwhelmed, tired, and impatient. Like the clerk, I expected newcomers to adhere to my rigid classroom expectations. Some of my students might have taken a risk like I did to learn something new in a short time period and frustrated their classmates who huffed their impatience under their breath or rolled their eyes. I thought of the thousands of students in the schools I coach. Some of the schools educate students with as many as 50 different dialects. Considering everyone’s needs, learning styles, abilities, and language acquisition is a daunting task!

Young girl sitting on the streetJust like my experience of learning to use a credit card chip system in another language, students learning new skills, such as mathematics, computer coding, cooking, playing an instrument, or welding while practicing a new language is over-the-top difficult. Fortunate students have teachers who understand mastery takes extra time, extra practice for students and extra patience for teachers. Less fortunate students sometimes experience public shaming.

I wonder what might have happened if someone who spoke fluent German called out the clerk for her behavior? What if someone who knew both languages stepped up to help me navigate the card reader? What if someone quietly said a few softspoken, kind words to the stressed clerk? Would a small act of courage and kindness help?

The experience reminded me to be an encourager by speaking a gentle reminder when someone rolls her eyes or sneers at the teen who doesn’t fit in. I can practice courage when someone tells a racial or ethnic joke. I can model compassion to speak up for the those outside the mainstream culture; the LGBTQ student or friend struggling to fit in; the shy obese girl; the child with special needs; or the immigrant.

Have someone ever shamed you because you were an outsider?

How did your experience help you practice compassion?

Self-care for Teachers: A Lesson from my Peach Tree

August 3, 2015 by Elizabeth 3 Comments

2010-01-01 00.00.00-312Some years the single peach tree in our garden produces so much fruit that I make enough jelly for our extended family and close friends. Other years, drought, warm winters, or a late freeze prevents the tree from bearing. Early this spring, we were delighted to see hundreds of pink blossoms turn into tiny fuzzy peaches. The bumper crop was due to the right number of cool winter nights and plenty of winter and spring rains. I counted the days until the flesh would ripen and the green fruit would morph to peach and cream, fuzzy, deliciousness. I imagined the first bite of the fully ripe fruit so juicy that the nectar would dribble down my chin. I purchased half-pint jelly jars from the local dollar store, envisioning the delight of my family and friends as we presented homemade jelly as gifts.

This year, the tree produced hundreds of peaches no larger than a golf ball. The tree dropped most of its leaves and looked sickly. I researched gardening websites to figure out what we had done wrong. Did we need more fertilizer or water? The answer was that we should have pruned some of the fruit. To be exact, we should have clipped away much of the small fruit allowing each peach six to eight inches of space on the tree. The gardening experts state that the tree cannot provide enough nutrients and water to grow the fruit the proper size. I’m concerned that our tree might not survive the remainder of the hot Texas summer and fall.
My fruit tree taught me a lesson in self-care. While I’s counterintuitive to prune and discard what looks like perfectly good fruit, sometimes I need to do so. Sometimes I do so many things that I don’t do any of them well. Pruning my schedule and my to-do list helps me focus on quality rather than quantity. What do you need to prune from your life and teaching practice?

Assume = Ass-u-me

November 19, 2013 by Elizabeth Leave a Comment

assume pixOscar Wilde said, “When you assume, you make an ass out of u and me.  When others do not act as expected, the tendency is to make up a story or assume motives.

  • When a student does not complete a homework assignment, the teacher may assume the student is irresponsible, lazy, or was busy playing video games.
  • When a teacher misses a department or school meeting repeatedly, the teacher-leader may assume the teacher does not place a priority on the meeting or sees tardiness as an attempt to undermine authority.
  • When colleagues do not enforce school rules, such as enforcing dress code violations, a teacher may assume he or she is the only one conscientious and brave enough to take action.

When others violate our expectations, it is easy to make up stories explaining behavior.  When emotions, especially anger are involved, the portion of the brain that is logical ceases to function.  The lower part of our personality takes over and we may:

  • verbally attack the offender;
  • if possible, punish the other person;
  • throw a tantrum;
  • taunt, tease, insult, or use sarcasm; and/or
  • spread the story behind the offender’s back.

Stunned by the violent outburst, the original offender wonders what prompted such a strong reaction.  The cycle continues as he creates his own story about this.

I am reading Crucial Accountability by Patterson, Grenny, Maxfield, McMillan, and Switzler.  More on how to break this cycle,  based on Crucial Accountability in the next post.

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Hi! I'm Elizabeth. ...a researcher, educator, instructional designer, writer, mom, activist, and optimist, and this is my personal blog.  I mostly write about educational issues, but can get sidetracked into issues that I find interesting or timely.   Disclaimer This is my personal … Read More...

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Hi! I'm Elizabeth. ...a researcher, educator, instructional designer, writer, mom, activist, and optimist, and this is my personal blog.  I mostly write about educational issues, but can get … Read More...

From the Blog

  • Experiencing Shame and Compassion
  • Leaving Shame Behind
  • Avoiding Burnout – Getting Real About Your Schedule
  • Self-care for Teachers: A Lesson from my Peach Tree
  • Insist on Educational Excellence

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